Unreasonable Hospitality

I’ve never worked a hospitality job. I grew up working in a record store and then wrote for newspapers and magazines in college and became a professional writer. Actually, that first sentence is not totally accurate. For one summer I worked at a guest ranch in Montana but it was not the best experience. I also was an impromptu hostess for one night at my friend’s restaurant when his employee didn’t show up on St. Patrick’s Day. It was exhausting.

So why, besides the always-appreciated Stephanie Peterman recommendation, did I read a book called Unreasonable Hospitality? Because my husband and so many of our friends work or have worked in hospitality, and I live in a resort town, so I feel like I’m “hospitality-adjacent” to some degree. Also, author Will Guidara is a co-producer on The Bear (I love that show) and I edited the resume of a pastry chef who worked at Eleven Madison Park and Nomad.

Aspects of the book I enjoyed: Guidara’s attention to detail, his willingness to go the extra mile (actually more like five miles), and the fact that he wrote an entire book about how to treat people, listen, and make people feel like they belong. Clearly he cares about going above and beyond for his customers – especially when they don’t ask or expect him to do it. He also values organization, the ability to put oneself in another person’s shoes, and rewarding those who really try to do a good job. He also believes that public speaking is a leadership skill which I love.

Annoying aspects of the book: The author is obsessive to the point where he (figuratively) breaks things that don’t need to be fixed. An example is when he decides that instead of having a menu, the servers are going to “create a dialogue” and ask patrons what they want to eat rather than handing them a menu. What?! Why? If those people feel like eating something else they can go to a different restaurant. From a writing standpoint, the curated language he uses to describe his career gets really old. Also, while I get that striving for excellent is important, his obsession with Michelin stars and some of the hoops he creates for himself and his staff to achieve Eleven Madison Park being the number one restaurant in the world gets exhausting. There is a line between obsession and ambition and I can’t imagine working for or with someone who is over-the-top all the time.

All of that being said, there are many poignant moments. Chapter two is about his parents and the story nearly broke me as his mother died of a horrible illness but still always found a way to be there for her son. “She loved me recklessly.” Oh, my heart. And reading about how his father acted as caretaker for so many years and did it without complaining – even though it was painful and exhausting – well, it hit close to home.

In chapter nine (page 98) the author basically says that if you’re “really, really nice” to people they will pay it forward. As lovely as that sounds, unfortunately it’s not always true. Then, on page 99, he says something that is 100 percent true: “You must be able to name for yourself why your work matters. And if you’re a leader, you need to encourage everyone on your team to do the same.” YES!

While some of Guidara’s stories/anecdotes/how-to methods sound formulaic, others really resonate. ‘“It might not work’ is a terrible reason not to try an idea, especially one that has the potential upside of making the people who work for you more engaged with your mission.” I appreciate this because there is no one more annoying than an “always no” person. That personality drives me crazy because, although of course there will be times when the answer is “no,” the people who refuse to take FIVE minutes to see if something is possible are the worst. That attitude is exhausting, frustrating, and demoralizing because everyone wants possibility rather than “no” all the time.

Three of the most important lessons the author imparts on the reader: 1) “People usually want to be heard more than they want to be agreed with.” Wow does this resonate in so many areas of life. 2) “The secret to happiness is always having something to look forward to.” I love that. 3) “You don’t reach the top by taking no for an answer, especially not the first time you get it. We need to be willing to fail.” Wookie and I talk about this with Fleet all the time. Even at five years old, it’s important for him to know that in many cases, if you’re unsure about something, the only way to find out is to give it a chance.

My two favorite references to The Bear: 1) The blue tape is always cut with scissors rather than torn. 2) When he runs out to buy a hot dog for diners who didn’t get a chance to enjoy a New York street hot dog during their trip.

Overall, I enjoyed Unreasonable Hospitality and found it motivational. I like that Guidara strives to do his best and therefore encourages the people around him to do the same. “The biggest, scariest, most impossible-seeming accomplishments start with a simple commitment to do them.” He’s right – it’s the idea that you miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take so you might as well try. Another excellent point he makes is that “nobody knows what they’re doing before they do it.” Exactly. Everyone is allowed to be beginner. I also appreciate that he says to “serve what you genuinely want to receive” – it’s like writing the book you want to read.

While Guidara clearly changed the game reagrding hospitality and restaurants, and I learned a lot from his story, when I finished the book I asked myself: Would I want to work for him? Probably not. But like I said, I’m not in the hospitality business.

Quotes

“We have an opportunity – a responsibility – to make magic in a world that desperately needs more of it.”

“All it takes for something extraordinary to happen is one person with enthusiasm.”

“Let your energy impact the people you’re talking to, as opposed to the other way around.”

“There’s no replacement for learning a system from the ground up.”

“Run toward what you want, as opposed to away from what you don’t want.”

“You’re not going to agree with everything you hear, but you’ve got to start by listening.”

“Consistency is one of the most important and underrated aspects of being a leader.”

“The way you do one thing is the way you do everything.”

“Make sure people who are trying and working hard have what they need to succeed.”

“When you grow up a little, you realize the people getting the most out of their lives are the ones who wear their hearts on their sleeves, the ones who allow themselves to be passionate and open and vulnerable, and who approach everything they love at full-throttle, with curiosity and delight and unguarded enthusiasm.”

“Language is how you create culture.”

“Though it’s easy to panic in the face of adversity, creativity is a better solution.”

“Perspective has an expiration date, no matter how hard you try to hold on to it.”

“Sometimes the best time to promote people is before they are ready.”