We’ve Decided To Go In A Different Direction

When my reading recommendation guru Stephanie Peterman told me about a book written by Max Greenfield’s wife, it sounded intriguing. I had never heard of Tess Sanchez but, after watching a few seasons of New Girl a couple of years ago, I became a Greenfield fan so I went for it. Although its unlike me to read a book of essays written by a person I know nothing about, Steph has never steered me wrong and We’ve Decided To Go In A Different Direction was definitely entertaining, relatable, and funny.

The best way I can think of to describe Sanchez is as an organized firecracker. She’s meticulous, bossy, and likes things her way – and she was very good at her job. Coming from humble beginnings, Sanchez worked her way up from retail to becoming a big-time Hollywood casting director – not an easy feat. She loved matching who was best for each role and became enamored with “discovering new talent with the potential to be breakout stars.” Along the way she meets a multitude of people – in and out of the industry – and she describes those people using household Hollywood names. “Think Topher Grace.” “Think Reese Witherspoon.” While this method is a useful tool to paint a picture for readers, she uses it so often it almost becomes gimmicky. That being said, her detailed descriptions throughout the book convey her bold personality with ease.

In terms of her writing style (although I’ve never heard her speak) I assume she writes the way to talks. Her syntax is familiar and fun and she knows how to set a scene. She’s clearly in love with her husband, their kids, her parents, and sister, and is unapologetic about keeping it real – if when things don’t go her way and when talking about the hard times she endures. Sanchez is also a meddler which clearly is a symptom of her control freak tendencies. She is fully aware of this personality trait and it’s obvious that it comes from a place of love.

As a mom, I appreciate her honesty about not being the “stay-at-home” type. I get it – she loves her children deeply but needs more to her day than just spending time at home. Make no mistake, she definitely knows her kids: “Ozzie wants to know every detail about a situation before agreeing to participate.” As a writer who has also written about her family, I appreciate Sanchez’s willingness to tell the tough stories – including Greenfield’s addiction issues, her family trauma, people assuming she is the help because she’s Hispanic, and even the embarrassing anecdote towards the end that I won’t ruin but will say this: I doubt I would have been brave enough to share something like that with the public!

About halfway through the book, a life-changing shift takes place when Sanchez is unceremoniously fired from a job she loved (her position was eliminated) which leads to examining her self-worth, navigating online home-schooling due to the pandemic, and the horrific demise of her father’s health. “Just acknowledging that an experience can be both good and bad, painful and hopeful, all at the same time, started to shift my perspective.” She’s extremely transparent with how she feels and there is a lot to be said about that. “My role as a parent had always been about the broad strokes, not the minutiae of the day-to-day.” Most working moms currently in their early 40s have felt the pangs of unwarranted and unwanted judgement from others. It’s not pretty and I empathize with Sanchez coming to terms with her new reality.

While reading the second half of the book, I felt like the author was working through her issues in real time. “If I can just accept who I am while enjoying other people’s idiosyncrasies, maybe that’s the secret to embracing the uncertainty that has been dogging me since my life circumstances changed.” She’s nothing if not self-aware. And for that reason, among others, I understand why she felt compelled to write this book. With some coaxing from Greenfield, she put her thoughts into essays and became a published author.

A major theme throughout A Different Direction is the importance of having a voice and feeling like what you have to say matters. In the aftermath of Sanchez’s position being eliminated, she clearly felt like her voice as taken and no one wants to experience that. “After witnessing the erosion of my dad’s vocabulary, I especially appreciate the great privilege it is to have words and the ability to tell another person how you feel and why. It’s a great reminder to never take the ability to use your voice for granted.” Clearly I relate to that and I think other readers will too.

Quotes

“I’m fascinated by the process of picking who’s right for which role.”

“At this time in the business there was no social media, so you had to meet people and be willing to take some bets.”

“It was absolutely exhilarating to watch people’s lives at the precipice of stardom, their dreams being realized.”

“It was exhilarating to be one discovery away from changing the course of someone’s life, or at least that’s how it felt at the time.”

“Doesn’t everyone want to be deeply understood and unconditionally loved?” Yes!

“Kindness and ambition – both qualities age well over time.”

“My mom treaded in the waters of denial. It’s unimaginable what she was going through.”

“Experiencing this tragedy of losing someone while they are still alive was shocking.”

“I’ve learned from experience that there is such a thing as giving people too much space – it’s always better to reach out, no matter how awkward it might be.”

“Anyone who has young children can probably now claim legit PTSD after helping their kids with mind-numbing Zoom-school distance-learning, five days a week.”

On her daughter Lilly: “At every phase of her life, I’ve been dazzled by her infectious spirit that grows bigger and more enveloping with every year.” I feel the same about Fleet. 

“Just as I would never let my role as a wife solely define me, I had to learn that my career shouldn’t either.”

“We were learning that our job as parents was not to try to control their response, but just to be there for the aftermath, however it played out.”

“The key to success, fulfillment, and happiness, in my opinion, is flexibility; embracing the now, however that may look. The obligation we have to ourselves is to water the flowers, not the weeds. Nurture and grow the good in your life, and dehydrate those motherfucking weeds.”